Miyuki, my wonderful rat.
19 - 07 - 1999   -    12 - 08 - 2001
 

"She lost her twin sister Fuyume a month ago.
They were together from a moment they were born.
Now it was the first time Miyuki was on her own.
May be she missed her so much she had to go."
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Yes, Miyuki too had crossed the Rainbow Bridge on Sunday, 12th of August 2001. She was doing wonderful until then, eating well, getting stronger despite she had a major surgery to have her first tumour removed, then had to be re-sitched under full anaesthesia because she chewed the suture and a month later the tumours returned with vengence. It grew into a huge mass.. I thought she was beating her mammary tumour as she picked up, eating well, even running around and looking very pleased with herself.. But nothing could stop the malignant growth creep to her poor little lungs. I found her squeaking and breathing heavily on Sunday morning so I brought her into my bed and slept for few hours together. She was curled up by my arm. She was ever so sweet and I gave her many kisses. In the afternoon, her breathing was much heavier and by the evening he was making a terrible screaming sound and she gasped, and jumped every time she took a breath. Even in her breathing difficulties she looked at me, it felt like she was trying to say "Mommy, help me...". All I could tell her was not to be afraid to go. She's done a good job all the time, being a wonderful rat for me. Fuyume will be waiting for her on the other side too.

We were sitting there hopeless and in sheer panic as we've never seen her like that and I could see she was in pain. It was a horrific sight, unbearable to see my baby like that. I was not at all prepared to make a decision at that stage. I would just sit there and keep on repeating myself  "I don't know what to do.. I don't know what to do..."  Something had to be done, but it was down to me to make the decision and I was not sure if she'll pick up again like before or if I should help her ease the pain. Such a hard choice. Either way, we could not have left her in that state. I had to do something, so we found an emergency vet and rushed her there. I had a slight hope that may be they can put her on oxygen and open up her airways but as soon as the vet saw her and said nothing can be done to ease her pain, other than to put her sleep for good.  Finally I made my decision. I hated the idea, I wish I never had to make a choice like that ever again, but somebody had to.  The vet brought a white sheet of paper for me to sign, which was the conscent form for euthanasia. I took a deep breath and held the pen in my shaking hand to sign, and I suddently saw the line, that read "I agreed to destroy this animal...". It was unbearable.

That was only the option for my sweet Miyuki. Out of all the people who loves her the most, I  could not do a thing to help her. I cried throughout when she was sadated and slowly her consciousness started to drift away and her breathing was pacing in calmer rhythms. I told Miyuki I was so sorry I had to do this to her, I hated to see her go and I loved her so much. I was devastated. I felt my heart was being ripped open. She was then taken away by the vet to have the last injection and when she came back, she was so peaceful.

I cried. I did not care who was watching. My wonderful baby Miyuki had just died still so warm and wobbly just like how she was alive, she was just SO special that only a very close person Mr B. knows what she went through in her life and what she meant to me. As much as I wanted to be with her for a longer time, it was my selfishness that want to keep her alive. And finally at that point I realised I made the right choice for her. I had to do it because I loved her and it was for her to rest in peace.

When Miyuki first showed a sign of deterioration, I went to get a baby girl rat, to quarantine for a while and to keep company for Sayuri who will be left on her own when Miyu was gone. And guess what, with an intention of getting once rat, I came back with two. I wanted to give them special names, so that Miyuki's spirit lives for the next generation. I wanted these girls to inherit Miyuki's wonderfully gentle and mellow temperament, and her extraordinary intelligence. Miyuki means "beautiful (=mi) snow (=yuki)" in Japanese, so I named a little Himalayan girl "Ko (=little) yuki (=snow)" and the hooded girl "Mi (=beautiful) nami (=wave)". I hope they will grow into a fine rats like Miyuki one day.

Miyuki and Fuyume were my first pet rats. Now they are both gone. They were such a  so big and wonderful rats and they made a joyful company. I made a small coffin for Miyuki and buried her next to where Fuyume lay in Tom & Cath's beautiful garden in the south side of the river.

 It's so hard. I lost my two precious rat within almost a month and I feel a little numb. I've been waking up in the night because I keep on thinking I heard Miyuki's squeaky breathing. I used to leaping out of my bed when I hear that noise. I am only hoping that she met up with Fuyume alright in ratty heaven.  I am sure they are all watching us from between the clouds.